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Something Sad and Lonely

There’s really not much to talk about. You know, last year, before my whole HA aspirations developed and before all my social tendacies started to overwhelm me, I honestly had planned for next year to live in a single studio somewhere. Serious. One big room with just my tools, my guitar, and my computer, and maybe some beanbag chairs. And I was so excited about the prospect about being alone all the time, alone with time to think. Now, here I am, totally alone once again, with tons of time to think, and I’m about as miserable as I’ve ever been. Transitioning is hard. It was tough to go from orientation, where I was immersed in this huge group of people for 2 weeks straight to absolute solitude. The only thing I had to talk to was the big red ball. And now, after Jenn has shown me one of the best weekends of my life, I’ve been thrown back into this wasteland of solitude. It’s horrible. I have a math midterm tomorrow, and it’s currently 10:30 and I’ve got tons left to do. But I can’t study. I miss her so much, it’s overwhelming.
  But I guess there is other stuff to talk about. I tried to cook a steak tonight. You know, there’s a set of rules to follow when cooking a frozen steak:
 1. Thaw it out, don’t try to cook it directly.
 2. probably, a frying pan is not the best substitute for a grill.
 3. High is not meant for both defrost and cook, unless the only part you want cooked is the outside of it.
 Needless to say, the Mac and Cheese I had for dinner was excellent. But this marks the start of my diet. Now I can actually pull this off. I’ve been stuffing myself full of junk food since I’ve been here, now I’ve got no food left except veggies. When I go to Ralphs next, I’m gonna get watermelon, eggs, and lettuce. This should force my body into a protein regiment which I’ll try for the next 2 weeks. I know all you people out there who tell me, “You’re dumb, that’s bad for you, do this instead,” think you know what’s best for me, but my problem isn’t the food I eat, it’s the fact that if I’m not chewing on something, I’m frantic. Serious. Anyone that knows me knows I go through a pack a day when I’m not eating, and yes, I’m talking about Winterfresh gum. This diet isn’t designed to make me super healthy, it’s to make me so sick of the food I have here that I don’t want to eat all the time. And while I’m at it, I want food that’s high in protein, and food like Watermelon which takes more energy to digest it than it provides. So there’s my plan.
 So, there’s not much else new. I bought a dancing cow, and I have video of it available here. Otherwise, I’m just here, spiralling into the depths of my soul, trying to look for signs of light to distill the impending darkness consuming my mind. I’m sad. And Lonely.

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