How To Be A Kevin:

Attire:
    Camouflage Bucket Hat, Preferably Slightly Worn
    Flannel Shirt with Plaid Pattern, Preferably Green
        Sleeves Rolled Up To Just Below Elbow
        Front Must Be Completely Un-Buttoned
    Green T-Shirt Under Flannel Shirt
    Dark Jeans
    White/Light Colored Sneakers, Preferably Velcro

Grooming:
    Handlebar Moustache, No Other Facial Hair
    Long Hair, Possibly Mulleted, Obscured By Hat
    Cleanliness Level Equal To That Of One Day Worth of Outdoor Activity

Items To Possess:
    Budweiser Heavy Beer Can (In Hand)
    Drivers License (Left Front Pants Pocket)
    Additional Cards (Left Front Pants Pocket)
    Folded Paper (Left Front Pants Pocket)
    Single One Dollar Bill (Left Front Pants Pocket)

Items Not To Possess Under Any Circumstances:
    Coozie Cup
    Keys
    One Hundred Dollar Bill
    Jesus's head (body Is Appropriate If head Is Removed)

Quotes to Say:

• "If you really know the domestic violence thing, I've been attacked a buncha times!"
• "She broke Jesus's head off on my headlight!"
• "I never, punched, a woman, or anybody, I don't even punch, nobody."
• "Let me drink the rest of my beer, will ya!"
• "You need a beer!"
• "Why, I'm in my yard, I didn't do nothing!"
• "I didn't drink enough!"
• "Well I need my keys to lock my truck up with my 800 dollars worth of shit with my house and my boat and my everything!"
• "Ok, I just need my keys, and a beer, and enough money to buy some more."
• "We just got your daughter from the skating rink, with the boat on the back!"
• "I'm sick of that little girl, call her momma a whore!"
• "I hope your daughter takes you where you need to go!"
• "Yea, I know what!"
• "Can you give me some money back for some beer?"
• "So you're gonna leave me with a dollar?"
• "You got your prescription money for your pills!"
• "With a dollar?"
• "Dollar ain't gonna go too far in Palm Beach County."
• "I'm gonna go over there and get mugged by the crack dealers!"
• "Can I have my beer?"
• "Where am I gonna go with a dollar and a beer?"
• "I don't even have a coozie cup."

Photo Evidence:

This entry was posted on Friday, April 20th, 2007 at 5:20 pm and is filed under Humor.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.