We the People of the United States (except gays), in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice (but not for gays), insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence (but not for the rights of gays), promote the general Welfare (not gays), and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves (as long as we're not gay) and our Posterity (who won't be raised by gay parents, even if they are raised in a foster home), do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue
You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals.

Peace out,
Blue States

So they say Obama wants to take more of your tax money? They say he wants bigger government? They say they're the party of reform? Who the fuck do they think they're kidding?

Who was the last president to produce a surplus? CLINTON. When was the last surplus before then? BEFORE REAGAN. Which administrations have produced the greatest increase in inflation adjusted spending? ALL THE REPUBLICAN ADMINISTRATIONS SINCE REAGAN. Have repubs been the party of smaller government? EVER HEARD OF TSA, FEMA, AND HOMELAND SECURITY, ALL OF WHICH ARE FAILBOAT??? What is reform about? WE USED TO BE THE COUNTRY SCIENTISTS FLED TO AGAINST OPPRESSION, NOW PEOPLE CAN'T DO RESEARCH INTO STEM CELLS, FIGHT LEARNING EVOLUTION, AND THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO OVERTURN PROGRESSIVE LAWS LIKE ROE WADE. SOMEONE OUGHT TO CLARIFY TO THEM THAT "REFORM" DOESN'T MEAN SEND US BACK TO THE FUCKING STONE AGE.

McCain may as well just get up there and tell everyone that the repubs are the party of free candy to all, because apparently they can claim to be anything they want, despite what their history and actions show.

I have no choice but to vote for Barack Obama. Jenn is in med school to become an Emergency Medicine physician, and I work in education. No matter how far I advance, chances are she'll be the primary breadwinner in the family, and protection of her field is a major issue for us.

When talking about health care, John Goodman (a McCain adviser who helped craft McCain's health care policy) said anyone with access to an emergency room effectively has insurance, albeit the government acts as the payer of last resort. (Hospital emergency rooms by law cannot turn away a patient in need of immediate care.) "So I have a solution. And it will cost not one thin dime," Mr. Goodman said. "The next president of the United States should sign an executive order requiring the Census Bureau to cease and desist from describing any American – even illegal aliens – as uninsured. Instead, the bureau should categorize people according to the likely source of payment should they need care. So, there you have it. Voila! Problem solved." (http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/bus/stories/DN-Uninsured_27bus.ART.State.Edition2.4dce428.html)

Well, that's an interesting point. But the government isn't a bank account from which the uninsured can just deduct from; the cost actually goes to the hospital, who can later request reimbursement. In reality, the cost of uninsured patients going to the emergency room is a huge burden on a hospital. This is money that can go to hiring more staff (think about that next time you waitin an ER waiting room for 2 hours) and improving outdated equipment and quality of care.

So what does Senator Obama have to say on the topic of Emergency Care? Aside from his solution to universal insurance coverage, he and Rep. Waxman in the House drafted a bill (before Obama was much more than just thinking of running for president) specifically addressing ER care: http://oversight.house.gov/story.asp?ID=1441. In summary:

The Improving Emergency Medical Care and Response Act of 2007, will provide support for research into emergency medicine and create a 5 year independently evaluated pilot program that will:
*Coordinate public health, safety, and emergency services;
*Facilitate timely access to emergency medical services;
*Establish a mechanism to ensure that the right patient gets to the right hospital at the right time;
*Track hospital resources, staffing and capacity in real time (e.g., statistics on bed capacity/ambulance diversion);
*Facilitate pre-hospital and inter-facility transports during disasters; and
*Promote emergency care research by coordinating efforts across federal agencies.

So, we have John McCain, who says "just shoo people into the ER's, they can't turn people away, and then we change their label from 'uninsured' to 'insured.'" We also have Obama, who says, "Not only should we make an effort to get people insured, when it comes to Emergency Care, I have specifically researched deficiencies and am trying to come up with a targeted solution."

Candidates will talk about changing taxes, starting and ending wars, and lots of other things, many of which will never happen. But when it comes to issues specifically surrounding the career of the breadwinner in my family, one candidate is flippantly pushing additional strain onto the system, while the other has already proven that he is focused on and is targeting that system for improvement. My vote will be going to Barack Obama.

-Joe